My problems go beyond therapy – it delves into knowledge gathering. I have all the resources in front of me – I can learn infinitely. I just need people to talk to. Unfortunately that’s a bunch of strangers in online communities.
I need someone I can have deep conversation with, from an educated standpoint. I need someone who is not only in touch with their own emotions and conscious of others’, but also someone who thinks logically and bases their thoughts and opinions on truth over faith.
I think I’ve always known that, and my dating history seems to reflect that.
It’s a simple realization – but an honest one. I don’t think it is appropriate for me to be too exposed to someone who has faith, as I can’t keep my mouth shut long term about my own beliefs. I also realize that I am perpetuating stereotypes with my own opinions, and know that relationships with two separate religions are perfectly possible. It’s just an incredibly complicated wrench to throw into the mix and requires both parties to be prepared to face the conversations that will inevitably come about.
I broke too many barriers in my curiosity – and crossed many lines of no return. I have my beliefs, and I’ll research them as deep as I want to – but that will require conversating with multiple groups of people, and I will have to accept that. There are many people who feel the same hopelessness as I do, but these people cannot organize around these ideas together as it disrupts the peace that religion brings. We have to split our thoughts between therapists and scholars, in attempt to find truth. It’s sad but necessary – religion can be an incredible benefit to an individuals mental health and in no way should be disrupted.
So how do you call out to find others like you, without causing problems for everyone else?
Or is it toxic to be around others like me?